Do you hear what I hear.......?

6 Steps To Your Best Life-Changing Conversations



Step Three:



L I S T E N

Shhhhhhh...

        Take a few moments to be as quiet as possible right where you find yourself.  What are the sounds you hear within the space you occupy right now (home, office, coffee shop, school, etc.)?

        Here in Parker, CO it’s 5:44am on Tuesday.  I am soon to begin a Skype mentoring call with a young developing leader in Germany 6am here/2pm there.  The first sound I’m aware of is the clicking of the keys as I type.

        With my office window wide open to catch the cool morning breeze, outside I can hear someone starting their car in the neighborhood and driving away.  Somewhere over the hill a motorcycle is revving up, joining the sounds of other vehicles getting to their morning destinations.  Oops...just heard a morning bird out in one of our trees, most likely “bird talk” reminding me to fill up the bird feeder.

        OK.  You get the drift.

        What are you hearing?  Listen carefully.

        What are you listening for?  What are you listening to?

        A brief self-audit here:  There is a vast difference between hearing and listening.  We hear all kinds of sounds.  Listening, really listening, is an intentional process.  Listening is the glue to meaningful conversation.  Listening nurtures relationships, from casual to close.

        On a scale from 1/rarely take time to listen to 10/how I listen sets the standard for being a good listener, what number would you give yourself.  What number would all the people who were with you yesterday give you?  Seriously.

        Those I’ve the privilege of mentoring and those I’ve encouraged to mentor have often heard me say, “A crucial and consistent element in the best of mentoring, in intentional, deep-change, whole-life, transformational mentoring is to listen.  Listen fully focused.  Listen with creative intentionality.  Listen through what you both see and hear.”

        Whether we intentionally realize it or not, we hear a lot.  Sounds come and go throughout our day.  Some sounds we’ve learned to tune out, like the noise of traffic.  Some sounds we’ve learned to pay attention to, like a child crying.

        It’s been said that whether conscious or unconscious, the sound of our name is one of our favorite sounds.  You hear your name, something inside you responds.  You look around for who said your name.

        However, in conversation, listening, truly listening is an art.  It is a learned art.  For most it does not come naturally.  It is paying attention to all that is going on with the other person in all 8 dimensions of their life.

        Listening involves stopping and reducing your attention to the noise in your own head.  Listening is choosing to concentrate and not allow the distractions around you to take you away from the conversation.  Listening is taking the time to look at the person with whom you are having any kind of conversation, casual to involved.

        In the daily clutter of our lives, this is why it’s hard to concentrate in a simple phone conversation when we cannot see the person we are talking with.  Focus, on the phone, or not, is crucial to listening.  Intentionally focus.  Deciding to listen to all that is being shared is a gift.

You and I know what it’s like to not be listened to.  You and I like it when someone does carefully listens to us.  Return the favor.  Often.

Stop.  Look.  Listen.

        In mentoring, in any interaction we may have, listening opens up the channels of communication.  Listening, good listening, cannot be hurried.  We listen with our eyes.  We listen with our ears.  We listen with our heart and care for others.

        Now, let’s practice.  At least once a day in this next week, choose to really listen.  Stop.  Look carefully into the eyes of the person before you.  Listen to all they may have to say, asking questions for clarification as needed.  Take note of what happens within the conversation, within that person, within yourself.

        Here’s a valuable listening hint (now I’m giving away one of my ‘listening secrets’), when someone seems to be at the end of what they are sharing, simply ask, “Anything else?”  Or, “What more might you be thinking or feeling about what you just shared?”  Or, “Is there any other thing you would want to add to what you just shared with me?”

        Try it.  Enjoy the interaction.  Be prepared to strengthen the relationship.  Know that you have given another one of the greatest gifts of their lives.  You have listened to all they have to say.

S T O P.          L O O K.          L I S T E N.



Step Four will be here in four days.

6 Steps To Your Best Life-Changing Conversations