This summer I’ve gained some new friends.
I’ve also lost a couple of friends.
And I’ve had welcome chats with olde friends.
Gaining brings delight...adds to life.
The losing brings a lingering sadness...depletes.
Those who hang in with you are valued gifts of deep and abiding encouragement.
Life is lived in the inbetween.
In being a mentor it is important to stay “real” and not cover up the highs and lows of your own journey. Oh, to be sure, one needs to keep in mind who is the mentor and who is the mentoree...but...mentorees need models on how to navigate their own inevitable highs and lows of life. Mentorees need to be invited into understanding how you navigate your own life...even as the emphasis is on being a creative guide through their lives.
To just sit there as the “expert on life” is, frankly, bogus. Any mentor who has the “need” to always present themselve as “got it all together” really should go and find a kind, but firm, mentor who will help them “get real.”
When starting into an intentional mentoring relationship I tell those stellar souls, right up front, that they will be hanging out with an imperfect man. But...they will also be spending time with a man who is committed to being awake, curious and alive (as the statements at the top of this blog proclaim) in an honest pursuit of living the life they have been given...to the max!
My wife and I had the privilege of being up in Estes Park (eastern gateway to Rocky Mountain National Park) this past weekend. We found ourselves in a rich conversation this past Friday evening with a couple I’ve been mentoring for almost 16 years...individually...and in their life together...and now even with their married daughter and son-in-law. They have become good friends.
I’ve been acquainted with their highs and lows as they fully pursue creatively, innovatively, designfulluy, playfully living their lives in all 8 Dimenisons of the Circle of Life. They have been aware of some of my own highs and lows.
Listening deeper to their hearts concerning how they are desiring to live into their life-calling in the future, I heard the husband in this warm and dynamic couple take the risk of expressing a deep desire for radically living out his life work...their life work. This courageous moment came, in part, because of his trust in me from when I’ve dared to share from my own journey.
At several moments in our conversation we all sat there in silence that was engaging, encouraging, emphasizing the continuing need for mentors and mentorees to be real with each other. This gift of a moment, without any pretense, offered new possibilities of relationship. Peace and curiosity and hope were the whispers that gave us all a good night’s rest.
Look carefully at the top of the tree, which was just outside the mountain home in which we were staying. As the first rays of Saturday's sun came over the hill, a hawk appeared to listen in on our conversation...then, as if on cue, flew down into the valley...majestic...breathtaking...and added a special dimension of reality to our conversation.
Freedom is what our very souls are longing for.
As our wives slumbered in the next morning...broken only by the awe of watching the hawk...my friend and I shared the first pot of coffee of the day and continued the conversation...he with additional thoughts from what he had shared the night before...me with telling him he had no clue to the gift given in the waning hours of that yesterday...as his words were a healing balm to some of the loss I’ve felt from this summer.
Nothing got “ooey-gooey,” or overly sentimental, or took us away from the focus of this priceless couple being well mentored. What was evident were continuing commitments of them being intentionally mentored, so that they would be invited and led to wisely choose purposes, processes and plans that would facilitate the ongoing deep changes in their lives and marriage, so that whole-life transformation would be the outcome for weeks and years into their future.
We had high hopes for the 24 hours we knew we would be together (best time ever on the Old Fall River Road to the top of the world where all the elk in Colorado seemed to be poised for pics...dozens of them). The variety of moments shared were even better than expected.
Our mutual schedules will soon have us back to 90 minute Skype times with this couple from our various time zones. We’ve no clue when the luxury of hours together may again take place in person. But...with them...or any others you and I have the privilege of mentoring...a question loom large:
How real, genuine, authentic, open, forthright, honest are you willing to be as a mentor?
That will go a long way to determining how real, genuine and authentic your mentoree will be free to be. Your “real” will invite them to their “real.”
Be inviting by your very life.
Be ready to celebrate the growth in both of you.
© Three3rdsMedia 2011...in association with LeadershipDesignGroup
Wes thanks for walking the talk...one of the things I am coming to learn about you is how REAL you are all of the time. I believe God doesn't love good people, He loves Real people. Thanks for staying real and helping us all to stay real with you and life. Pablo
Posted by: Pablo | August 23, 2011 at 12:25 AM